God forbid that you be my mere trifle,
yet such a fear have you to me expressed.
thought you that your virtue I would rifle,
my words some perfidy in falsehood dressed?
know I too well the style of treachery;
it shall not pass by me to visit thee.
nor shall I seduce your love with sophistry,
but love you more, if in you doubt there be.
though how to love you more I do not know;
my soul alone is left to pledge to thee.
false indeed am I if it be not so.
then do not place your love and trust in me;
cut out my heart and keep it by your side
and if you can cause it speak, know I lied.
there is a thought you dare not contemplate
which, in your troubled conscience, doth exist.
Venus, admit you love this found soulmate
and knew it on that candied day we kissed.
know we, a sin it is to live a lie
and e’en a greater sin to live the truth,
if that intense truth is I made you sigh
when I robbed your sweet innocence and youth.
revealed to us, innate, our unity;
yet you seal it not with love’s sweeter name.
oh, Nature’s child, for all eternity
your chaste and first kiss I alone may claim.
if you would but enfold me unto you,
your flawless heart to sigh; my love is true.
flow fiery hot ’tween our hearts, love’s passion,
such as the trust we share may not impeach.
oh, why my quaint, burning heart doth fashion
for one so close yet so outside my reach?
your pure celestial presence might suffice,
if could my yearning lips my creed obey;
but know your virtue I shall not entice
unto Iniquity’s dark den to stray.
my weak heart aside, my strong soul subdued,
you have me bonded yet I have you not.
your closeness consumes my every mood;
my captive mind, entire, do you besot.
yet for what we hide and for what is seen,
virtue my byword, purity your mien.
oh, tell me truly what thou crave, sweet maid,
in thy yearnings and thy nightly prayers?
hast thou love’s sweet desires as yet unplayed;
wistful, for love’s sensations unawares?
oh, tell me truly whom thou crave, sweet child,
in thy soft boudoir and thy virgin bed?
hast thou love’s feral passions straining wild
and love’s curious appetites unfed?
oh, tell me truly why thou crave, sweet heart,
when I am yours alone with passions bared?
my heart pierced soft with Cupid’s gentle dart
and thus my aching, helpless soul prepared,
for a love so natural, not contrived,
for a love so destined and not connived.
I love you more than you can ever know,
for though you have the mind to comprehend,
I have neither the deeds nor words to show
that I am any more than other men.
then do me kindness and take my futile life,
thrusting a blade full deep into my heart
and never fear again you’ll be my wife.
be your scalpel or your tongue more sharp,
yet your voice has my very soul spellbound.
tell me why I love you, sweet enchantress?
whene’er we meet, your words, my mind confound.
tell me why you plague me, sweet seductress?
if perchance a less hurtful word you’d seek
then might your heart permit love’s voice to speak.
am I a fool that I should take the chance
of losing all that I have had of you?
since your sweet look was more than just a glance
not once had I the thought of quitting you.
the smallest part of time you gave to me,
more purpose gives to every pain I bear.
more precious only than our memories
are perchance the dreams we have yet to share.
we will dream our sweetest dreams together,
when know we both our oneness is no wrong.
love, I shall not make you wait forever,
for my dream is too wed you ere too long.
then bide your time my young and precious dove,
for eternity I shall be your love.
remember when your head you lay on me;
felt Love’s touch though it were just my shoulder.
that day did Eros steal a march on thee;
made my timid heart a smidgen bolder.
then heady day when passion ruled my heart,
my lonely arms did seize your lovely form.
unbridled passion did my soul impart,
unleashing, in your heart, love’s raging storm.
I held your sweet and gentle lips to mine
and stole your kiss; my love, and numbed you so
and stifled Conscience’ call, “She is not thine,”
and drank deep the nectar your lips o’erflow.
drank again lest my reckless lips should parch.
indeed, that day, Love stole its second march.
if you cannot be mine then I am woe;
too weak to face the odds in fortune’s war.
last night my angels wept and tears did flow,
restoring my life’s blood for evermore.
yet I have known the pain a smile conceals,
the sadness that one’s tears must cleanse away
and understand how lonely torment feels
and how some hearts must suffer day by day.
fret not, I will not leave her just for you
and both we know it truly must be so,
but had you asked, I’d know you felt love true,
but duty done and conscience clear, I’ll go.
how many nights I’ve reached out to your smile
and prayed that you may love me for a while.
I love with thee as if in virtue clad
and reality, its own guilt, must face.
I love thee and our hearts within be glad;
no feeling of wrongdoing ought they grace.
purest love, its own conduct, justifies,
though be it, in non-lovers eyes, a sin
and I shall love thee still and tell such lies
as, paradoxically, right must, to win.
I shall not let thee go nor desert thee
and care I not to know what be the cost,
for I want thee above all else there be,
for thou alone found me when I was lost.
so before Him I stand and make my plea;
if not for me, for whom didst Thou make she?
I dreamed a dream I had no right to dream,
imagined love I had no right to feel,
but love’s expressions are not what they seem
and perfect lovers are so seldom real.
what then is true, in this new world so strange?
was I deceived by words that I held true?
thought I the rules of love were not to change
or was I merely led along by you?
I told the truth and bared my soul to love,
not knowing I was playing in your game.
reeling am I from your sudden shove
and your prompt coupling with another’s name.
you hurt me deeply, yet my faith is strong;
love me or leave me but do me not wrong.
© James Sapsard 1980 – 2013